Do you ever find yourself in awkward situations with family during the holidays? Perhaps you have an uncle who always asks for a kiss when he sees you—or a family member who mocks your faith over Thanksgiving dinner.
As we approach the holiday season, this time of year can add a lot of stress for many people. From financial pressures and complicated family dynamics to overcommitments, grief, and loneliness—holiday stress feels different because it’s tied to unique expectations and traditions.
When Luke and I first joined the Air Force, we saved up all our vacation time to fly back to California and visit friends and family. We’d divide our 10–12 days off between parents, grandparents, siblings, and friends who lived hours apart. It was always wonderful to see everyone, but by the time we returned to our post, we were completely drained—physically and emotionally.
After we had Wyatt, the pressure to visit only grew, and traveling with a baby added a new level of exhaustion. We had just a week to visit and had to divide that time unevenly between family and friends. I’ll never forget one relative mentioning that they felt slighted because they didn’t get equal time with us.
I hadn’t meant to hurt their feelings, and I apologized—but the reality was, the constant rushing, traveling, and lack of rest was taking a toll. We finally decided to focus more on our little family and made the conscious choice not to travel back to California every year.
That decision changed everything. Not only did it save us thousands of dollars on airfare and rentals, but it also gave us the gift of peace.
Benefits of Protecting Your Peace During the Holidays
The first year we stayed home, we noticed a huge improvement in our health and well-being:
- Physical: I didn’t suffer from the headaches, fatigue, or restless sleep that holiday travel and disrupted routines usually triggered.
- Social stress: The pressure to socialize and attend multiple gatherings disappeared, and we finally had time to slow down.
- Routine disruption: We could manage our days, sleep in our own beds, and rest properly—especially important with baby Wyatt.
If you find yourself cringing at the thought of family gatherings this winter, remember you don’t owe anyone access to your energy just because it’s the holidays. It’s okay to say “no” without explanation. You have permission to protect your peace, even if others don’t understand.
Protecting your peace doesn’t mean you love your family any less—it simply means you’re choosing to guard what God has entrusted to you: your heart, your home, and your health.
Tips for Peace This Holiday Season
- Learn to say no: Prioritize events that truly matter to you and politely decline those that don’t. Simplify your plans with smaller or low-key gatherings to reduce pressure and expectations.
- Communicate your needs: Be upfront about what you need to maintain your mental health and avoid unnecessary stress.
- Set financial boundaries: Decide on a holiday budget and stick to it. Homemade gifts or shared experiences often mean more than expensive purchases.
- Set realistic expectations: You can’t control other people or every situation. Let go of the idea of a “perfect” holiday and embrace what’s real and meaningful.
- Define your time limits: Be clear about how long you’ll stay at gatherings and what you’re able to contribute.
This holiday season, give yourself permission to rest, to say no, and to create space for joy that isn’t overshadowed by obligation. Your peace matters—and sometimes, honoring that peace is one of the most loving things you can do for yourself and your family.
You can celebrate the season without sacrificing your sanity. Make room for what truly matters—faith, family, and your health.
Wishing you the most peaceful holiday season – may you be blessed.
The physical and mental toll (let alone cost!) to try and be in 5 places at once honoring the hearts of those who love us most is heavy… in a world where we live further apart this becomes so so challenging most especially for our military.
Beautiful post. Beautiful heart shared vulnerably. Just beautiful.
God bless you!