The Stress and then the Guilt
Let me paint the scene: the dishes are piled, someone’s crying, you’re already running late, and somewhere in the middle of it all, you snap. You’re caught in the tension of holding everything together and feeling like you’re failing at it all.
Last week, I hurt my back while repairing our deck. Since then, I’ve been on hold with medical offices trying to schedule MRIs, X-rays, and follow-up appointments. On top of that, the movers are coming this Friday, and I’m sorting through what we’ll need while living out of suitcases.
It’s also the first full week of summer, and my kids are buzzing with excitement. So there I am—limping through the house, on hold, and trying to manage expectations. The kids start whining about the zoo (which, let’s be honest, I can’t manage right now), and then the oven timer starts blaring. I snapped.
And, of course, the receptionist returned to the line at that exact moment while I was scolding the kids for jumping on the couch.
Eventually, I got off the phone, saved the bread, and redirected the kids. I sat down with my now-cold coffee and the guilt came rushing in: guilt for yelling, for not being able to take them out, for the mess, for the injury, for the chaos… for all of it.
I whispered a prayer of repentance: “Lord, this wasn’t my finest moment. I want to do better. My kids deserve better.”
What The Bible Says About Guilt
Holley Gerth, in You’re Loved No Matter What, shares something powerful: in the Bible, guilt isn’t an emotion—it’s a legal condition. We are guilty because of sin. But when we receive Christ, our guilt is washed away. Done. Finished.
We might still feel guilt, but that’s not what God intends. What He offers instead is godly sorrow—a conviction that draws us closer, not condemnation that pushes us away (2 Corinthians 7:9).
Let’s compare the two:
Guilt is:
Self-centered
A Legal Term
Shuts us Down
Leads to Shame
Harms
Holds us back
Sorrow is:
Others-centered
A heart response
Opens up
Leads to healing
Heals
Moves us toward growth
God doesn’t want us trapped in guilt. He wants to lead us through godly sorrow to grace.
We are meant to experience Godly sorrow and to let go of guilt. Sometimes we are motivated by guilt. Right? Have you ever jumped on the treadmill the day after Thanksgiving, intent on running a marathon to make up for all the carbs you ate the previous day? No? Am I the only one?
Either way, we’re not meant to be motivated by guilt – that’s a terrible cycle to participate in. We are intended to be led by the spirit and by His love.
Understanding the Cycle of Guilt
Here’s the framework Holley Gerth calls the “Cycle of Guilt”
1. Listen for the lie: What are you telling yourself that isn’t from God?
2. Replace it with truth: Speak God’s Word over your situation.
3. Ask for help: Invite Him into the moment.
4. Call for backup: Confide in someone who knows and loves you.
5. Repeat. Daily.
Grace can be found in the messiness or chaos of the day. When you strive to actively live in a cycle of grace, it can become second nature. When we reinforce positive thoughts, we can begin to embrace them, and we create neural pathways in our minds (Romans 12:2). When we alter the way we think, we make new neural pathways, and the old ones gradually fade away. This process takes time, though and you won’t be perfect at it right away.
God’s love doesn’t waiver just because our homes or our hearts feel cluttered or messy.
Breaking the Cycle of Guilt, Finding Grace
God doesn’t shame us into change—He invites us. When we bring our chaos and failure to Him, He offers restoration, not reprimand. Connection, not isolation.
The enemy’s plan is to keep you so tangled in shame, isolation and secrecy that you forget you’re already forgiven. That you’re already enough. That grace is what grows you—not perfection. But the word completely contradicts this: Romans 8:1 says, “There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
Let this be our gentle reminder:
Guilt may remind us of our need for grace.
But grace reminds us of our place in His love.
The next time you feel guilt over not being more patient, too much screen time, missing your bible study, guilt for not being grateful – know that you’re NOT ALONE. This is so common—especially for women juggling faith, family, and home.
The guilt cycle is sneaky, and it takes practice.
A Personal Shift to Grace
Back to that morning…
I believed the lie: “I’m a bad mom.”
I replaced it with the truth: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Phil. 4:13)
I prayed, confessed, and asked for strength.
I talked to my sisters. They reminded me I’m human—and not alone.
I apologized to my kids, too. I told them, “Mommy isn’t perfect. I was overwhelmed. I needed to take a breath and give my stress to God.” What a gift it is to model grace for our children.
Practical Grace-Filled Reminders
- Pause and breathe. Whisper a one-line prayer.
- Visualize handing your mess over to Jesus.
- Speak truth out loud: “God’s grace is for this moment too.”
- Choose one thing to do, and let the rest wait.
- Journal one thing you’re doing well today.
Grace-Filled heart vs. Guilt
Let me invite you to let go of guilt and lean into His grace. We were made for joy. We don’t serve a cruel God who desires perfection, for only he is perfect. You were never made to be perfect.
Open your hands, your heart and your mind to him today and say, “Thank you,” for all the blessings he’s bestowed on you.
The next time you feel guilt gnawing at you – pause and breathe and in your prayer to God, acknowledge his greatness and give Him praise.
Jessica this is amazing! I can relate on so many levels!
Thanks, Tammy! I appreciate the validation!
I like this. I’ve never really thought about how guilt is a cycle. Being a mom we have to multitask, and take on so much. But like you said recognizing when we snap and adjusting our actions is breaking that guilt cycle. Ive had it, its more common in my life than I’d like. Im going to try that method, stop, breathe, say a one line prayer. Love you sis.
Thank you sister! I appreciate your vulnerability. Let me know if you get this!
I love your perspective! I found myself yelling, “TANA!” and then yelling at her for something she did. Now I yell, “TANA!” and then quietly say, “I love you!” I definitely lose my patience and can definitely relate to feeling bad afterwards about what I said or my actions or both. Thanks for your help 🙂
Thanks, Jeremiah! I’m sorry it took so long to respond, we’re just settling in on our new home and it’s been a journey. We’re fallible and imperfect but we’re trying. That’s the point. I understand and often feel the same way. Thanks for your response and know that there’s grace for everyone here!